Monday, December 15, 2008

Free Advice + Poison Your Mother in Law

Subject: Free Advice

1. Regular naps prevent old age ... especially if you take them while driving.

2. Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee.

 3. Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.

 4. I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried that but they wanted cash.

 5. A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

 6. Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

 7. Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without.

 8. Forgiveness is giving up my right to hate you for hurting me.

 9. Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

10. Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll take it anyway.

11. My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees with me.

 12. Ladies first, pretty ladies sooner.

 13. A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always with the same person.

 14. You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than doing them.

 15. Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between each new address books.

 16. Saving is the best thing; especially when your parents have done it for you.

 17. They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak.

 18. What are the three fastest ways of communication? Telephone, Television, & Tell-a-woman.



A very interesting Chinese story !

Poison Your Mother-in-Law ...

No!  no!  no!  no!  no!

A long time ago in China, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live
with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found
she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all.

Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of
her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticised Li-Li constantly.

Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her mother-in-law
stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was
that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her
mother-in-law and obey her every wish.

All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing Li-Li's poor
great distress.

Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and
dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it.

Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs.
told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that
she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a
and finally said, Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must
listen to me and obey what I tell you. Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I
do whatever you tell me to do."

Mr.Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a
package of herbs.

He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your
mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious.
Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up
poison in her body.

Every other day prepare some delicious meal and put a little of these
in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when
dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't
with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen."

Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her
of murdering her mother-in-law.

Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the
specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr.Huang
had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed
mother-in-law, and treated her like her own mother. After six months had
passed, the whole household had changed.

Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that
almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument with her
mother-in-law in six months because she now seemed much kinder and easier
get along with.

The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li changed, and she began to love
Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that
Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her
mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and

Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening.

One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She
"Dear Mr. Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my
mother-in-law! She's changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like
own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her."

Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry
  I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to
her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward
but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her."

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